It’s with a heavy heart that I stand by and see what the people I love are doing to themselves. Tonight and tomorrow are very important to me and this period six years back changed my life fundamentally and in every respect.
I’ve seen you experimenting with drugs and I choose not to be judgemental because I have nothing against drugs. I have had to learn that I cannot use them in any way, I faced the fact that if I had not stopped when I did I would have either been in jail, a mental institution or dead. With the way that my life was going it would most likely have been the latter.
I feel it now pertinent to say a few things to those friends of mine who think playing with narcotics is fun to consider.
When I went into rehab on 22 May 2002 I had no idea that I was an addict. I truly believed that I was using drugs because I liked them and that they were my way of having fun and dealing with stress. There was no way to link the ideas in my head of what an addict is in relation to my own life. I lived in a nice house, drove fancy cars, had friends, my own business, a long term relationship and plain and simply I thought I was living the high life. Addicts were people in the gutter stealing money and things from everyone. I just could not be an addict. This was just a phase I was going through and if I really wanted to I would be able to stop whenever I chose to. Instead I ended up using drugs for years and spending millions on them.
The thing I am most proud of is that I have been able to stay off drugs for six years but with considerable help. I have to face the fact that if I so much as touch drugs again it WILL end in disaster. So if you persist in using drugs, I have to disassociate myself from you as my safety is of paramount importance to me. Trust me when I say that I NEVER want to return to the HELL that is addiction. You have no idea what that it is like.
If you are starting to see what this hell is and you need help, always feel free to talk to me in complete confidence. You CANNOT stop alone. I learned this the hard way and thank heavens I found the correct people to help me and I owe them my life.
If you want the whole story, I will happily tell you the entire saga at any stage.
You need to realise that NO ONE decides to become an addict. It happens over a period of time and normally totally unconsciously to the addict themselves. The worst symptom of addiction is denial which ensures that the addict has little or no idea that they are in fact an addict. This time six years ago I was spending thousands a day on alcohol and drugs and yet I was convinced that I did not have a problem.
I see you using the drug that almost killed me and hear about you taking lines in night clubs, parties and at home and I remember back to when I started. Cocaine particularly is so insidious in the way it takes a hold on you. It is one of the substances that those who are not predisposed to addiction can become addicted to. It affects the same pleasure centres in your brain as love and sex but is so much more dangerous and so much more powerful.
I know that I am not in any way stupid but for this drug I almost gave up everything without even realising it was happening. I gave up my friends that did not agree with what I was doing. I convinced myself that they were boring and that they were just over exaggerating the reality of drug usage and so I saw them less and less.
If you ever trust anything I tell you please believe this as I know it to be true. YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE PLAYING WITH! COCAINE WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE... YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST GO AND STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF A LANE ON THE N2 AND GET HIT BY A CAR – IT’LL CAUSE YOU AND THOSE YOU LOVE AND THAT LOVE YOU LESS PAIN.....
