These are my thoughts and opinions, use them, don’t use them.
Call me old, call me experienced, call me anything you like but the fact is I have been around and I’ve seen and done a lot, some things I’m proud, of some things I’m not.
I look at everyone I know and I often have friends and acquaintances coming to be with their fears and troubles with regards to love and relationships. With that in mind this is the knowledge I have gained on these matters. It also applies to many friendships:
- You are NOT in love with a person you just met. You are infatuated. This stage can last months. Love comes later. Many people end a relationship at this time not realizing that love comes after infatuation and often even after a period of apparent boredom has set in.
- Loving someone belongs to you. It does not give you any rights over that person. Your expectations over them will only cause distance.
- Love is neither controlling nor manipulative. You cannot make someone love you nor make you love them. Either they love you the same way in turn or they don’t. Accept that.
- When you try to control someone you begin to lose them. If they are going to cheat on you, they will. There is nothing you can do to stop that. By trying to control another person you force them to lie to you in order for them to live their lives.
- Trust comes from trust. You will not trust someone until you allow them the space to prove that trust.
- We often don’t trust others because we know that in the same situations we might not be trustworthy ourselves. They are not you. Allow them to show you who they are.
- Expectations ruin the reward of appreciating what is.
- True Love requires absolute honesty. Be willing to express how you feel and to hear how the other person feels and accept that. It is how you or they feel. I always say that if your best friend cannot tell you that your breath stinks, who can? When you lie to someone you are NOT protecting them, you are protecting yourself.
- Don’t EVER give up your friends and friendships at the request of another and NEVER request or expect that from them. Friends often last longer than relationships and are the constant in your lives.
- Respect your partners right to privacy and space. If you cage someone they will want to escape.
- It is only very seldom that you will find someone who loves you as much as you love them. Love is special and true love only comes around a few times in your life. Appreciate it when it happens.
- You are not someone’s other or better half. You are a whole person and do not require another to complete you. A relationship will best survive when it has two whole people living their separate lives together.
- Your partner as well as you yourself deserves space and room to live. Give them that space and take that space for yourself. Being apart is not a sign of distance.
- Until you love yourself others will find it difficult to love you. You are a lovable person and often the ONLY one not to see that is you yourself. People are attracted to people that love and respect themselves. Spend sometime in introspection and learn that you are perfect as you are providing you have learned who you really are.
- Do not subject yourself to the morality of others. You know what is right for you and what makes you respect yourself. Who you truly are, is ultimately who you should be. Don’t try to be someone or something else.
- You have the right to find true love. Rather leave a relationship that is not fulfilling you than stay in a compromise. While you are compromising true love could pass you by.
- We all find true love at some point. Do NOT feel anxious if it hasn’t come to you yet. It will. Often love comes once we stop searching for it.
- Stop looking at every person you meet asking yourself, “Could this be the one?” By doing that you already begin manipulating situations and thus change the dynamics.
- Do not place expectations on others as you just doom the relationship to failure. We often cannot live up to our own expectations. Why should others then be forced to live up to ours? Accept a person as they are.
- If who they are, is not who you want, trying to change them is not an option. They will end up resenting your attempts. Rather move on.
- Do not base your relationship and behaviour on your parents.
- Do not take your fears from previous relationships into your new ones. Let them go. This is not the same person. Your fears make you start to try and control.
- If a person wants to be with you they will. If they don’t, let them go. Holding onto someone who does not love you is pointless. You will find someone who loves you equally.
- Never allow your partner to make you feel less. That is not the way you deserve to be treated. You deserve to be treated with respect and it is your obligation to treat others with respect.
- You have not right to manipulate another to do things your way. What is the point? They will only resent it. Tell them how their actions make you feel. Never allow another to manipulate you. You are worth more.
- Rules are made to be broken. Don’t make them. If you have to make rules you are trying to control or manipulate.
- In any situation tell the other person how you feel about a situation. It is up to them to respond. Sulking and bitching etc is just an attempt to control and manipulate.
- Don’t react, observe, think, pause and then act. We are not animals that can only react.
- A gay relationship is not a copy of a straight relationship. Two people of the same sex have different needs that a heterosexual relationship.
- If you are in a relationship where you are not getting sex, that is called a friendship. Down grade it to that! Anything else is a compromise. Why compromise. You and they deserve more.
- Never accept abuse in any form. You are worth more than that and you are NOT lucky to have them. Someone else will love and respect you.
More to follow!
No comments:
Post a Comment